Prison of Change

My narrative here is not as gloomy as the title suggests. Perhaps it may even evoke a smile. Our life changes all the time and we are in this lovely prison. Perhaps the only instance where the term "Prison" can be positively referred to. Since our profession occupies a majority of our life time, it is important that we gain from each change that it brings. Here are some ramblings of my own.

I added up the years and much to my relief I found that I was very close to the correct number. After struggling for fifteen minutes, I found that I had been working for nine years and five months. Having started my thirtieth year of existence, I found that it was hardly remarkable since I have not achieved anything of note in these years. However, there are some valuable experiences that I have gained, mostly made of memories and of people who make it happen.

As you move from one organization to another, you encounter different kinds of people and perhaps in many ways, subtle and direct, they mould you professionally at least. Before my market valueindices plummets any lower than it already is, I would like to clarify that I am not a job hopper. Heck, I cannot even be a grasshopper. Most of the times, I have no idea which side of the fence is greener :) I have heard of this before - "Birds of a feather, flock together". A careful analysis of my associations reveals that most of my colleaguesacross organizations are very successful and smart people. This must mean something good for me as well. Does it? Many of them have successfully grown in their careers and hold positions of great value in their respective organizations. A great indicator of your standing amongst them is your behaviour at a get together. If are not always comfortable then perhaps it means that you have been left behind in the corporate race. If you share your drinks and have a laugh, chances are that you are not too far behind.

My initial memories are that of a set of dedicated teachers of software,  referred to as "Faculties". That I was a part of them is itself very funny, the dictionary says "Faculty - The members of a learned profession". Honest to God! I knew very little of what I had learnt and I sure as hell was not a professional! I survived chiefly due to their almost diabetic patronization. A lot of hand holding was needed to get me to understand the minutest of concepts. They tried very hard and were very relieved when my association with them did not extend beyond a year. What I remember of them is that they were always very supportive and helped me gain confidence that with effort many things are possible. Where you get that effort from is your problem.

As I transitioned into a new, bigger, corporate atmosphere, I was consumed by awe. It was eased due to that fact I had joined many colleagues from my previous job. I am sure that in that meeting, I was the only one who was pleased to be a part of that team :) Most of them must have wondered, here we go again.. We have teach him everything from the start.. :) To their utter disappointment, I did not let them down. I continued to be a slow learner and forgot the 3rd thing when they were explaining the tenth!

I found great associations here, I saw ambitious youngsters around me. I saw them cry when they missed their first promotions. I saw happiness in their eyes when they were going abroad. I saw their laziness when the job became mundane. I saw relationships build and break around me. A large part of this education depends on the age group that you interact with. The young band meant that ambition and a teething desire to excel were to be found in common. It was inspiring, but my own performances remained modest. I also fell prey to some ordinary thinking, like the next job, the next hike, petty office politics, gossips, girls etc :) Trust me, I have chosen my words carefully :) I got none of these for most of my association with this organization. 

I also lie occasionally :)

Ambition, drive to be successful, need for companionship and great friendships were the prescriptions from the people I interacted with in that organization.

By now I was moulded to think like a big fish in a small pond. Perhaps I could have thought about the ocean that lay outside the pond, but the opportunity never presented itself. A prolonged association with an organization can sometimes curtail your creativity and narrow your ambitions to a pure relation of the hierarchy of that organization. Since I have used many words and confused myself, I will just say that I thought the end of the world was to become an Assistant Vice President (AVP). Such thinking does not take you too far.

It did not, and I realized that in the next organization I came to. It was a team of sales folks who knew nothing but ideas to get people to buy their stuff. I stood out sorely like a penguin in the Sahara desert. I am pretty sure, that no one took me seriously for a long time. They taught me the ways of the world and in some ways the ugly side of it. The exposure was important as I found myself moulded further. Their way of interaction with customers and their ability to conduct business with the pressure of targets on their shoulders was a great learning for me. They worked hard and partied hard. I must confess that I found the latter an easier part to be of.

Gradually acceptance came, mostly from people who joined after me. I made sure that I created a false impression that I was a terribly important person! I am sure they felt terrible! Thankfully the older ones played along since they knew that I could keep them entertained at the parties :)

I did learn that it is important to cultivate inter personal relationships and be aggressive at the same time. I also realized that when you move into a role that you know nothing of, it is important to be open to feedback and allow others to take the front seat. You there means a sure crash!

After this, I went through a very important phase of professional development. At the end of it, I can safely say that I know how the butterfly feels when it comes out of its cocoon. "Heavily sits the head which bears the crown" - someone said. They sure got that right. My head is titled to one side, perhaps because one side is empty and other half does not work. Being saddled with the responsibility to try and groom a group of non-believers, win new customers where there were a score more like you selling the same ware, and most importantly to make money, my next role was to date the toughest one.  I soon found that the non-believers were essentially seeking guidance and their value to the system was immense. To actually sell and convince people to buy your services was another important learning.  I made little money and always put in efforts. Often times, it was like calling a crane to lift a pebble. I will not say it was a utter disaster, but hard lessons were learnt and I can safely say that it was like the comb after the hair had gone. I emerged stronger.  

Here I saw some of the most driven individuals. Extremely creative ones and most importantly all my colleagues here were supremely self confident. Again, I realized that the ocean had only begun and I was straggling in shallow waters. Each day spent here meant that I was subjected to another reminder from father time telling me how much I was lagging behind young men and women easily four to five years my junior. I made desperate attempts and in the process, perhaps learnt to harden myself and mould myself differently. My colleagues here taught me that there has to be a sense of balance between caring for your team and at the same time demanding that extra bit more. The reasoning was sound in logic - they don't give you the extra bit, you cannot do anything extra for them back. A page turned again in my books. I saw a new portrait of myself. A Slim one - Don't be alarmed, for all I had shed was a little bit of innocence and what I gained was a dash of conniving. I am sure that the latter never added any weight to anything.

The next cell is my present cell :) To be very honest, It has been confusing at times.  The people I have met are wonderful people who share the same number of years that I added at the beginning of this note. It is always easy to tell others what to do, but to work with a team where each one can and should tell how things need to be done, paying heed to one thought can be a pain. We are discovering each other and I would want to believe that we are cautious now. I share the optimism that with time caution will give way to trust and respect. What I learnt from them is hard to tell, it clearly shows that when your mind is closed and your feelings suppressed, there is hardly anything you will learn. All the experiences that happen during that time can go ungained from.

So while we are consigned to this prison of change, we might as well make the most of it. There is no escaping it and perhaps that is a good thing.